Match-Making

F: "Uss ne humein jodiyon main banaya hai"
M: "Mujhe kaise pata chalega ki mere liye kaun bana hai?" "Kya woh mere naam ka board lekar ghoom rahi hogi?"
F: "Jab tum uss se miloge, tho Woh ek ishara karega aur tumhara dil samajh jaayega"

These are the opening dialogues of a popular hindi movie... Hmm, i too believe that someone somewhere is made for me and the day i meet him, HE will let me know thro some way that he is my soulmate...

Getting to the point, since i am of marriageable age, my parents started "groom-hunting" for me... this weekend i had to meet one such potential groom... lemme describe the incident on a detailed basis...

So around 10:30 this sunday morn, i get a call from Mr. A (not the handsome Hrithik from Dhoom 2!!! Alas, wish it was him!!!)...

Mr.A: "Can we meet at 12:30?"
Me: "Ok, where do you want me to meet you?"
Mr.A: "Where do u stay?"
Me: "ABCD locality"
Mr.A: "Ok, i will come there n give you a call"
Me: "Fine, see you"

I just had 2 hrs and i wanted to present myself in a good way... so off i started with my "dressing up" and got ready by 12:30 to meet my probable groom...

At the appointed time, i set out to the chosen landmark... Once there, i shot him a call to ask for some hints to recognise him (you see, i had not even seen this guy's snap, so i wudnt be able to recognise him without some clues)... he said "Am wearing a blue shirt"...

My heart was racing... how will he be? his looks? his attitude? his mannerisms... is he serious? is he broad-minded? is he approachable? a hundrend thoughts crossed my mind as i advanced slowly, one step at a time...

And there i saw a tinge of blue at a distance... is tat him? I get closer... and he flashes a smile (he had seen my snap and hence recognised me)... and thud!!! my heart sank! It was him, Mr. A, and wat a Mr.A he was!!! A combi of Alok Nath and Rajpal Yaadav!!!

My first thoughts were Run back Cheeku... and dont stop till you reach home... I was tempted to ask him Uncle, are you gonna adopt me? He was all of 32! And i dont even want to get into writing his appearance...

Sigh! i had to face it... i had no choice... i had to spend the afternoon with this "now-not-probable" groom!!!

After the usual pleasantries "Hi, am Mr.A" "Hi, am Cheeku", he suggested we go to a nearby restaurant...

Trapped, and unable to get out of this awkward situation, i tot lemme make the most of this and amuse myself... Here goes the conversation that followed:

A bearer comes to our table with the menu card...
Mr.A: (takes the menu card, exchanges acknowledgements with the bearer, and sits pondering over the menu)
Me: (my little mind got to its commenting mode) Oh! u know the waiters here, good!
Mr.A: "I'll hav a musambi juice" (after few seconds, still holding the menu card tightly in his hands) "Wat will you hav? Some juice?"
Me: pass me the menu u thicko, i wont run away with it..."I'll have watermelon juice"
Mr.A places the order and i sms my friend "come to this restaurant n checkout the cartoon tat my dad has asked me to meet-up"
Mr.A: "So, which year did you pass out from engg?"
Me: "2004" am way too young for you dude...why dont you check some 28-29 yrs old lady for yourself?
Mr.A: "which branch?"
Me: "EnC"
Mr.A: "Then why are u not into coding?" (breaks into a laughter)
Me: wats so funny in not being a coder? (with a straight face) "Coding didnt interest me as much as writing did"
Mr.A: "So you wont get into developement?"
Me: "No" (i dont remember the last time i was so blunt to someone, i mean, i can stir up a dulcet conversation with most ppl)
Mr.A: "How many siblings do you hav?"
Just as i was about to answer, the head-waiter comes in to talk to Mr.A!!! Both exchange pleasantries...
Me: God!!! you know all these ppl!!! Is there some one here who doesnt know you?

After the head-waiter left,
Me: "one sis and one bro. Sis is studying so n so..."
The bearer arrives with our orders, and Mr.A again exchanges a few words with him.
Me: "Bro is studying so n so..."
Mr.A: "Where is your bro's college?"
Me: "its in EFGH location"
Mr.A: "Where exactly?"
Me: why do you need all that? for heaven's sake u r here to meet me and try to know me, why do u wanna know my bro's college location? watever has tat got to do with you? "its on JKLM road, near RSTU"

By now, i am taking out my frustrations on the juice before me... the poor straw is bearing the burnt of my irritation... silence follows... and more silence follows...

I am hungry, i hadn't eaten since the previous afternoon... Why is this fellow not ordering anything for lunch?

Me: "Did you hav lunch?"
Mr.A: "Yeah, i ate before i came here"
Me: God! and i was wasting away my time getting dressed to meet this moron!!!
Me: "Tell me about yourself, your family"
Mr.A: "I have 2 elder sisters, and one elder brother. My first sister is married off to so and so person and is staying in so and so location. Its near so and so colony. My second sister is married to such n such family, she's living in XYZ locality..."
Me: Oh no!!! Why did i ever ask him this question!!!
Mr.A: (still continuing his descriptions of the exact locations where his siblings live) "...my brother lives close by, you know, (i dont know and i dont wanna know) there is a hotel, STUV on this road, behind which is a petrol bunk (please stop, my senses are not working, and the watermelon juice is empty, and i cant sit here any longer) beside which is a bakery. The second house from right is where my brother stays"
Me: (i flash an artificial smile) I am not asking you another question! Not unless i hav gone nuts!!!
Mr.A: "My bro is getting married this May"
Me: Wow! so it runs in your family to marry after you lose most of the hair on your head!!! And God alone knows who tat poor lady is who's getting married to your bro!!! Hope not a 24 yr old like me!!!
Mr. A: "You must be knowing Mr.N, he expired few weeks back?"
Me: Why are we talking abt some Mr.N who is no more in existance? "No, i dont know him"
Mr.A: "Why dont you know him? I saw your father in the ceremony tat was held there"
Me: I hate my relatives and i care a damn about some uncle-of-my-uncle's-aunt's-son's-daughter... "I know only close relatives, just upto my cousins"
Mr.A: "I have never seen you in any of our Jaathisangha get togethers"
(Jaatisangha is our caste ka group, we hav one in each city)
Me: "I dont know anyone here, so i dont visit the get togethers"
Mr.A: "Why dont you know anyone?"
At this point, i had had enuf, i cud no longer bear this... i just wanted to get up n walk off...
Luckily for me, the waiter came to our table to ask if we want anything else...
Mr.A: "No, we dont want anything else, get the bill"
Me: wat a guy!!! no chivalry to ask me if i want something... (i was boiling by this time)
Mr.A: "I have to go for a get together in Jaathisangha, so i am in a hurry"
Me: (i flash a smile) Thank God! Its finally getting over... got to call up dad n ask him wat a cartoon he has asked me to meet up!!!
Mr.A: "You know, the meeting is in the president's house. Its in XYZ lane, in DEF colony. Their house is the third from the left, its a duplex house, very beautiful" Oh God!!! now i know why he is still unmarried!!!
Waiter gets the bill, Mr.A pays up... I get up, take my bag...
Me: "Lets make a move"

I walk out of the restaurant... Mr.A says bye to all the waiters around with promise to come back and comes out of the restaurant...

I say a polite bye and just walk off towards home, without turning back, dialing my dad's number...